Tag: abuse

Texting, Sexting, Pictures, and Video

sexting

sexting Long time reader “Jill” wanted me to talk a little bit about how the world today can be a pretty amazing place when it comes to technology, but can also be a scary & permanent place when it comes to texting, sexting, and sending pictures. Hormones and impulsivity can have even the most level-headed teen make a mistake that they may end up regretting for the rest of their life.

Today we’re going to look at the world of texting, sexting, and sending photos, and explore the consequences and ramifications it can have on your teens present & future. (more…)

5 Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence

teen dating violence

teen dating violenceWith the recent increase in domestic violence #Trending I think that now is a good time to talk a little bit about TeenDV, or teen dating violence. (more…)

How To Stop the Cycle of Abuse

Cycle of Abuse
Cycle of Abuse

The Cycle of Abuse

What is the cycle of abuse? “The cycle of abuse is a social  theory developed in that tries to explain the patterns of behavior that tend to occur in an abusive relationship. Every relationship and situation is different of course, but usually the cycle of abuse remains at least somewhat consistent. (more…)

Warning – Sexual Abuse – The Problem with Shame

When I think about Sexual Abuse the first thing that comes to my mind is shame & abuse. For 2 years I worked with juvenile sex offenders in Arizona and almost every time the levels of shame or guilt were off the charts.

Real quick: I want to make sure everyone is on the same page here. Exposing youth to sexual situations or material is in fact sexually abusive, even if touching is not involved.

I know that we see nightly news feeds that terrorize us parents with all kind of threats to our children, but statistically this type of abuse is often perpetrated by relatives, friends & family. Sexual abuse is not limited to girls either. Studies suggest that sexual abuse among young men & boys often goes unchecked due to shame.

Shame and guilt in child sexual abuse.

Shame is a dark place that you don’t want your kids to go down. Feelings of shame & guilt can be very complex and will manifest themselves in different ways. Sexually abused children often grow up with their own sexual issues, as well as deep lasting emotional ones. Because the abused kids internalize so much of their abuse, the shame can make it difficult for any child to come forward.

A Few Reasons Why Kids Will Not Come Forward.
1. Worry that someone wont believe them.
2. Fear of retaliation from the abuser.
3. Fear that their family will be angry with them or their family will break up because they came forward.

Because of this, it’s a lot more uncommon that false accusations are made. Of course they do still happen, so I personally think that EVERY instance of suspected or reported abuse be taken seriously.

What are some warning signs of Sexual Abuse?
1. The child has difficulty walking or sitting.
2. The child has an advanced knowledge of sex and sexual acts that are not appropriate to their age.
3. The child makes a STRONG effort to avoid specific people and situations.
4. The child resists changing clothing or doing certain physical activities in front of other people.
5. The child is in crisis at home. (Running away, STD’s and pregnancy under the age of 14, physical or sexual abuse to others.)
6. The child demonstrates “grooming behavior”.

(Grooming = Gaining trust, breaking down defenses and then manipulating someone into a desired result.)

I think it’s important to talk about sexual abuse in an age appropriate manner with your kids. The doors of communication must be open and if your child knows they can talk to you and communicate effectively they are more likely to speak with you in times of personal crisis.

If you’d like to read a first hand account of some of the effects abuse can have on children, my book Child Abuse: The Ripple Effect goes into detail about what happens when the abuse ends and life comes crashing down around you.

N.

child abuse, sexual abuse

5 Reasons Why Parents Single Out One Child For Abuse

ReaderRequestMeg (more…)

Child Abuse: The Ripple Effect – Part 6 – The Guilt

guiltAlong with anger is guilt. Even the loneliest among us feels guilt. It may be because of leaving someone behind to suffer in our place. It may be leaving behind your family because no matter how horrible they were to you, they are still family and disregarding those bonds is hard, even for an abuse survivor. It may be over feelings of betrayal or feelings that you deserved the punishment that was given to you. (more…)

Child Abuse: The Ripple Effect – Part 5 – The Anger

angerAnger is one of our biggest enemies. We strive to control it, sometimes we relish when we unleash it and often times we regret that we allowed it to go so far.

Anger is a part of every person in every part of the world in every socio-economical status.

Anger is everywhere. What we do with that anger is what distinguishes us from the rest of the world. (more…)

Child Abuse: The Ripple Effect – Part 4 – The Mask

maskI think that as humans, all teenagers wear masks. We wear them to fit in, we wear them to be popular or to get the girl or make the team or hang out with the right group of friends but this mask is different. It’s a custom made mask, its not a football players mask, although it could look like one from the outside, it’s a mask that feels so real that for a time you forget you’re wearing the mask but the reminder always comes back. (more…)

Child Abuse: The Ripple Effect – Part 3 – The First Ripples

ripplesImagine a stone being thrown into a lake. That stone being thrown, that violent action causes the water around it to spread out into ripples. At first those ripples are close together and well defined and as time goes on they become wider and farther apart. This is the way that abuse affects our lives. Although the ripples are farther apart they are still there, even if you cant see the ripples I assure you they are still moving and still there. (more…)

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